it hurts not to know
so very much
it feels like one half of you is being pulled up
while the other half is being pulled down
i must decide my destiny
far too early for my liking
but i cannot continue
to endure to pain
to entertain it
to sustain it

it grows like a festering disease
just waiting for the perfect time to attack
for your abundant joy to be broken down
like a toddler knocking down a tower
they spent twenty minutes building

you expect it to happen
but when it does
you will never remember why
sometimes falling apart is the worst part
but other times putting back together is even worse
and the worst part is
every time you rebuild
you know you will fall apart
again
and again
forever

because we are human
and we have a tendency to destroy
i couldn’t help but notice
how destructive i was
until i tore myself apart