I don't think I'm heading anywhere good at all
I whisper while I'm crying I say the words so small
so scared now so scared now I say as I crawl
its been seven weeks now I really thought that you'd call
now I'm breathing so heavy and flying so fast
if this goes on any further I don't think I will last
now my thoughts here are blurring I can't remember what I said
but I remember how I banged my fists against my head
what I really wanted was to smash my head on the wall
see what would drip open is there anything there at all?
feeling like humpty dumpty with all the kings horses and men
won't put me back together either the only question is WHEN
i've developed a chronic headache it hurts so much to think
and I'm sorta craving sugar or coal or maybe a drink
that could intoxicate me and destroy me and turn me to dust
fix all the sharp angles and feed into my lust
get ****** now by three men or fifteen or twenty
I don't care now I know it'd feel good that'd be plenty
and if they use me and hurt me and leave me to die
it'd make no difference, thats even better in my mind
wait now I think I'm getting better, I have the world at my feet
the colors God made the universe with are so sweet
and it's in my hands now in fact it drips off of my fingers
I think I see his vision in my mind now, it lingers
driving me forward and faster towards the burning red
wait go back it's tomorrow and now I can't get out of bed
supposed to see you tonight, guess what I'll do instead?
sit there hardly breathing don't worry you go on ahead
it's fine though its sadness it's healthy and real
it's really quite normal to feel how I feel
wait again it's midnight I think I wade in too heavy
I think I know this place I think I've been here already
now I'm thinking of dying and I'm thinking of why
I haven't done it already I think this time I'll try
my skin is so tight around my body I want to get out
God left me no plan it's all abandonment and doubt
but actually I think I'm strong enough in fact
to get it together and clean up my act
there's this house in my dreams, a home I want to build
there's no stopping me actually cause I'm really so skilled
can't believe I could ever really want to do myself in
in fact I have so much to live for, it'd really be a sin
to end my life and throw away all this talent
not a single person alive like me on this planet
its not even lonely its not scary at all
wait I just remembered its been another week where's your call
are you doing alright? cause I'm loosing my head
my brain drips out of my eyes onto the bedspread