I am an addict.
I am an addict of Toxic Love.
It truly is a burden and I am sorry to all that it affects.
See, I did not wish for these consequences.
And unfortunately, it circulates through my body like a normal body function.
It is involuntary and automatic, yet I nod when people tell me, "Its a choice."
For those who have not experienced the side effects of toxic love, let me be the first to say..
No pill, line, or injection is even needed.
But this, "so-called" addiction, killed me from the inside out.
For a while, I was clean. I had minor setbacks like pool parties or new years eve when I never truly saw you but I heard your name echo through the air and for a while I would search around tops of heads and ignore the voices right in front of me.
But then.
I saw you.
I saw you sitting there.
With your legs crossed and your shoulders laid back, holding YOUR addiction.
But you were able to draw it to your lips, inhale, release, and without thinking, smash it under your toe.
While my addiction yanks on my heart like reins on a horse and chokes me as if I were drowning and sends lightning fast impulses from my heart to my brain and back again saying, "TRIGGER ALERT TRIGGER ALERT TEMPTATION AHEAD!" and suddenly here I am walking toward you as my heartbeat thickens and my palms begin to sweat and my vision becomes a blur and my fingers begin to sh- Flatline.

I am an addict.
Of Toxic Love.