That mad May day,
I heard those words for the first time;
It was also the day I last saw the sun shine.
I started researching those words,
And everything became a blur.
The term life expectancy
Nearly killed me.
Going out of control
Wishing I was just left untold.
No one had even known,
How I already felt so alone.
I was already in the grave,
Now the dirt was on top.
Irretrievable happiness.
Days getting longer,
Nights getting shorter.
Sweet sound of music,
Tastes ever so salty.
As a week went by,
I lost the urge to cry,
But I began,
To open my eyes.
Realizing that the people who surrounded me,
Were also the ones
Who were drowning me.
Decisions had to be made.
One month goes by,
It’s now summer time.
Still feeling emotionless,
Without making any progress.
Going for runs late at night,
Trying to escape my own life.
Out of breath,
Chilled unwanted nights.
Wondering what I can do
To make everything right.
Every thought,
Was a shot to my heart.
Every day was the same,
Like a picture set in a frame.
Just my headphones and I,
Day after day.
Only family to talk to,
But that’s all I wanted.
Haven’t seen anyone my age in months.
Started going to see therapists,
But those therapists just made me
Become an expressionist.
I was disgusted every time
I confronted myself.
The sick seed that had been planted in my head,
Also wanted me left unfed.
All of the things I told myself
And others not to do,
I was doing.
Eating food,
But not actually eating.
I lost control of myself.
Then on a warm summer night,
I no longer wanted to fight.
Contemplating everything in my life,
Because nothing was going right.
As I walked down the street weeping,
I was trembling over my own feet.
I reached the bridge,
A bridge I spent so much time at.
I stuck my arms out,
Now my palms gripping,
That frigid railing.
I looked left, I looked right,
There was nobody in sight.
Time ticking,
Feeling smaller
than ever before.
The smell of sea water,
Down below.
Absolute rock bottom.
Although I was at the bottom,
That rock was the only reason I stay grounded.