tonight, but not just tonight, I think about
all I’ve done for you. Then, I think of what you’ve done for me too. The only difference is that tonight, I write them down. Maybe it’ll help me let go.

When she abused you.
I was there, on your side, but subtly.
I was crying for your hurt, because you try to show zero emotion.
I was lying awake thinking of how badly I wanted to erase all of your problems and replace them with smiles.

When your dad was so awful.
When his words hurt, I was there to declare them lies. I was there to reassure you that you would never become him. I remember tossing around in my bed wanting to hug you as you cried. You never cry.

When you doubt yourself.
It’s too often. But hey I’m there. I’m no good at it, but I try my hardest to show you that you’re worth it. That you, jay, can make it. And I still believe you can.

Now, if you’ve read this far, fellow poets, you may believe that I’m insane. Insane, not for loving my best friend, but for giving him time and effort that I do. Well, continue reading.

When I was in love.
He was absolutely the wrong person, and you told me. You told me that I deserved real love, you also told me that I wouldn’t get it from him.

When I cried about everything. At once.
You were there to listen, you always, always made time to listen to my problems. If you couldn’t find advice, you just talked to me. You gave me hugs when we were in person. You listened which is more than anyone else can say.

When I wanted to die.
Yes, wow. Okay I’ve wanted to die. I wasn’t taking my medicine, selfish of me because you always ask if I had. I wanted to simply not exist. Then there you were, there for me like you’ve always been. Dare I say you saved me? Yes because you did.

That’s complicated because you said to me:
“Please Olivia, for me”
you did something great for me by asking me to do something for you.
It was the nicest favor yet.
Thank you and I love you as I have for years.