So, today, I woke up and decided it would be my last day alive.

I went to work, did my job (I teach math) and I went home.
Afterward, I stopped by the local shop, purchased rope and decided to hang myself in my garage.

It was a pain in the *** to set up. YouTube searching videos on how to tie a hangman's knot, and set up a system.

Well, here's the thing. I'm a big dude (6'6", 250 pounds) so I had to put the rope up high and have a huge counterweight (a couch).

As I stepped onto my table to get all the way up into the noose, the table broke.
Okay, time to get creative. Propped up four or so chairs.

Get in the noose, lock it in.

knock the chairs away.

wouldn't you believe it, I'm too tall, I could barely breathe, but my feet landed on the ground.

Now I have a broken table, rope hanging in my garage, and rope burn on my neck.