I’m sitting on the edge of my bed.  The room is pitch black, hidden in the absence of light.   How many times could I fool myself into thinking I was the only thing she needed?   The fist-shaped holes in the wall and 2 inch deep cuts in my wrist are the only things I have to remember her by.  The how ever many nights I spent running my fingers through my hair, wishing I could take back all of the things that I’ve done. Now, I’m taking a turn onto a new road, a road I’ve never been through.  It seems to be the longest journey I’ve been on and I can’t seem to find a way off this highway of low self-esteem and fake smiles.  The room is cold, just how my blood runs through my veins.  I can’t seem to come to terms with the idea that I just wasn’t good enough,  wasn’t her anything.  Pillows become memories, Xbox is my time machine, sending me back to the day so that my Modern Warfare isn’t dropping nuclear bombs, but the dropping of words that I didn’t have the heart to say. But, the words are just battles, the thoughts become mental warfare.  No way back to past I wished to call a future and if the present is a gift, I’d like to return this for the one I wish I still had.  I cannot even stand on my own two feet without triggering brainwaves that send a suicidal sea into an apathetic ocean.  No one can hear the sobs I’ve cried. The tears that run down my face feel like acid.  Every tear with the burn of you not coming back.  There’s no light at the end of this tunnel because, I’ve been bouncing of the walls just waiting for you to flip the switch.  So I’ll ride this road into oblivion, no stopping a man who’s incarcerated his soul to a demon of deceit and false promises of the heart.   The darkness is caving in and I’m having trouble breathing but, I like it.  In this moment of certain demise, I finally find something to fight for other than you, it’s me.  So, I’ll leap off the edge of my bed,  in a room so full of darkness, hidden in the absence of light, and hope that I can catch more than this final breath.