Please parent me from 3,000 miles away
on your ten minute break
text me questions
Make small talk
Remind me of every little mistake
It’s quite endearing.

That’s all the time you have for me
Unsettling how
In those 10 minutes you turn my world upside-down
Make me feel like a child again
Incapable, helpless, scolded
Certain words bolded
In your messages filled with regret and hate
For four years straight
It’s getting pretty old now
Your words getting colder now
Still don’t know how
You get away with it all
Make me fall
For your fatherly charm
It quickly turns into words of knives
Just as I disarm
And let you back in
You break me down again
Emails telling me just how horrible I am
My friends are left to pick up the pieces
Again and again and again

Each time I think
Maybe he’s changed
Maybe it’ll be different
Maybe he loves me, misses me
Maybe he’s the daddy I used to know
The danger of my maybes:
They never become his truth
As he sweet talks his way back in
Then takes a shot in the dark
With his military aim and malicious heart
“I love you
How’s school?
Congratulations!
I’m so proud!”
Then I blink.
“Grow up!
Stop blaming everyone else
I cried because you didn’t call
You’re selfish, you’re jealous
You don’t know how to love
You don’t understand
If I didn’t run away from you I would be dead”

This pattern is getting old
Tiring my heart and soul
Building up my wall
Blocking people out
Because of the way your text SHOUTS
I am the target of your regret
You are a fine shooter--
Always manage to get
A bull’s-eye
Straight to my heart,
Then the tears start
For days on end.
I am a crying criminal;
A walking zombie in someone else’s life.
I believe all that you say
You’re my father
Shouldn’t you tell me the truth?
So I really must be all those things
It’s all my fault
I’m a bad daughter
A selfish person
The me that I knew is all lies
My own father hates me
So everyone else should too