May 2018
accusation after accusation
about cheating and lying
is like the crossfire on a battlefield.
why is it that you and mom have to fight to communicate?
why is it that yelling to the point of a scratchy throat is your guys' goto to get a point across?
why does it always have to be a constant whirlwind of chaotic rounds of gunfire for you guys?
i don't know why you thought that abandoning us was the clearest thought in your clouded mind.
not just abandoning us for some other woman who was never worth the time,
but abandoning a wife who supported and loved you, for a woman who was less than a speck of dirt.
but also abandoning three kids who considered you as the other parent they no longer had, for a woman who couldn't see her own four kids because she would rather be including methamphetamines and other drugs in her life than her own offspring.
you abandoned us for a woman who made the fight for drugs, rather than the kids she gave life to.
there was a family you had left behind and kept waiting,
while you organized a mess of a life with someone else.
all i can say is how could you give up the life you built with us,
and damage it with her.
how could you make us flip our feelings for you?
i sat with my mother in front of the apartment you were staying at, at 10:45 after my shift at 10:00 at night.
waiting for you to take your dog because we aren't his caretakers.
yes, we loved him,
but that was your responsibility and we weren't going to take it anymore.
but as i go to knock on the window of your room because the door is too far away from your apartment number,
there are night owls of drug addicts peering through the window curtains.
but not answering the door.
i hate you so much when i should love you.
you were our parent when our father died.
but you left us the same way our father did.
the only difference is that you didn't die.
you left the same way he did because drugs stripped you both from us.
only that you didn't die.
not physically anyway.
just mentally, you're dead to us.
once a drug addict, always a drug addict huh.
i guess this taught us never to trust so easily.
about cheating and lying
is like the crossfire on a battlefield.
why is it that you and mom have to fight to communicate?
why is it that yelling to the point of a scratchy throat is your guys' goto to get a point across?
why does it always have to be a constant whirlwind of chaotic rounds of gunfire for you guys?
i don't know why you thought that abandoning us was the clearest thought in your clouded mind.
not just abandoning us for some other woman who was never worth the time,
but abandoning a wife who supported and loved you, for a woman who was less than a speck of dirt.
but also abandoning three kids who considered you as the other parent they no longer had, for a woman who couldn't see her own four kids because she would rather be including methamphetamines and other drugs in her life than her own offspring.
you abandoned us for a woman who made the fight for drugs, rather than the kids she gave life to.
there was a family you had left behind and kept waiting,
while you organized a mess of a life with someone else.
all i can say is how could you give up the life you built with us,
and damage it with her.
how could you make us flip our feelings for you?
i sat with my mother in front of the apartment you were staying at, at 10:45 after my shift at 10:00 at night.
waiting for you to take your dog because we aren't his caretakers.
yes, we loved him,
but that was your responsibility and we weren't going to take it anymore.
but as i go to knock on the window of your room because the door is too far away from your apartment number,
there are night owls of drug addicts peering through the window curtains.
but not answering the door.
i hate you so much when i should love you.
you were our parent when our father died.
but you left us the same way our father did.
the only difference is that you didn't die.
you left the same way he did because drugs stripped you both from us.
only that you didn't die.
not physically anyway.
just mentally, you're dead to us.
once a drug addict, always a drug addict huh.
i guess this taught us never to trust so easily.
First off, just read at your own risk. I get this was severely personal and whatnot, but I can only really turn to poetry because it's the only way for me to get my feelings out without completely breaking down. I also understand that the internet is not my diary. But like I just said, poetry is the only thing I can turn to without having a meltdown. But I suppose this is just a little insight on what affect some people can have on your mentality. Sorry for the personal stuff. I've just gotten to the point of "I do not care if I expose you".
(17/F)
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