i’ve turned into a bobblehead
i nod
up and down
i shake my head
side to side
a smile on my face
never faltering

you ask me
‘are you okay?’
i respond ‘of course.’ i shake my head and smile

‘should i be worried about you?’
i ignore the question
i can’t lie but i can’t tell you the truth

‘how was your day?’
i smile and nod my head ‘my day was fine, uneventful.’
i don’t lie i just don’t tell you everything
i don’t tell you how i sit in the shower and cry
how i was doing so well then i took that blade to my wrist
how when i think about the future there   is   nothing there

my problem have disappeared
i smile
i nod
because i must be okay
if i’m not okay then you would blame yourself
and it’s not you it’s me