The Eternal Hope for Hope

I will move away from my comforting structure and rhyme. Why not take the one shred of comfort I have left? Do I write for her or me? I do not know for sure how to answer. Shall I begin? It was a day as any other, I was eating as I do. The place was empty and desolate. My eyes must be mistaken. A cruel trick of the mind. Crushing the heart to nothing but a heavy hole. I look again and I see that my eyes are not deceiving my heart. Is this the moment I have prepared for? I slowly walk by. There she is again, the one who haunts my dreams and crushes my soul at her very thought. Coward. I walked by only to keep walking. I will think of the words I must say. This will give me the courage to face her. Deep breath, there she is, here I am, what am I doing? My legs begin to shake and my hands begin to sweat. I am looking her in the eye and have lost the ability to speak, to think, to move, to be! I am as cold as the ice that now runs through her veins as a result of me and what I did to her. There is so much I want to tell her that I can't express. I still think about you often. I wish I could change The past and I hope that we can maybe start over fresh. I know that this may be a hard thing to do. I know that it is something you probably do not want to attempt with me. But this whole thing is strange. I wish I could tell you how I truly feel about you. I wish I could say that I truly care. I know it is pointless. What are the chances of you actually holding back? How likely is your apathy a mask for your pain? Blasphemy to think that you are showing a face that is not truly how you feel. But what if that was the case? What if you were holding back something that you wished you could share? What if there was a secret place where you wrote a poem too? Could there be a side to this that you are hiding from me? Are there feelings that you are still hiding from yourself? These are the things I think of while I am alone. I cling to the what-ifs, and cherish the past. But there we were that day, talking. Trying to find a way to fix the past the best way. Does she know the reason why? I do not think that she understands why I did what was done. I do not think she knows why I could not tell her. I do not think she is aware that I began to care for her and I needed more time to think. Do you remember the night we became one body, one soul? That was the very night I meant to come clean. This was day three and was meant to be the day I confessed. But there you were, so beautiful and perfect. You made the night so amazing I could not ruin what we had started. I knew at that point I wanted to continue because I had feelings for you. It was not about sex, it was about you, and I together to see what it could be. Do you remember the night I came clean to you? It is a night that haunts all others as I sleep. I did not tell you because I wanted you to leave. I told you because I was finally sure with what I wanted. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to see where this could bring us. You cannot deny our chemistry. Do you want to know another thing I didn't tell you? I know that you were hiding your feelings. The apathy card did not fool me at all. I know that I really hurt you. I wish I thought you did not care. But I know that this is not the case with us. I feel like I broke your heart. It may not have been love but it was something special that I have never felt before. Although you won't admit it, I think that you felt it too. Two people do not get that close that soon. I wanted to continue with you. I wish I would have been able to keep you from going back into his arms again. I mean who does he think he is, treating an amazing girl so poorly? I absolutely despise how he treats you. But what can I say to you? I can be better to you? Be more genuine? I know I can but I have lost your trust. I tend to write dramatic, and I often come across as sad, but I try not to feel these feelings in my everyday life. I often do not really know how I am feeling until I begin to write it down in this secret document. This past Wednesday was the last class of the semester and it was the only time that you were able to really get to me, I will admit. I felt like you were trying to flaunt him in my face to add misery to our confused triangle of supposed friends and unsure lovers. It may just be all in my head but I was the fool who let it all get to me. I was embarrassed and surprised that I felt something like jealousy. I know that you are now dating again, I have heard it from both of you, although you told me in very different ways. I hate how he told me, and I hate how he talks about you. I think he is okay as a person, but I do not think he treats you as well as you deserve to be treated. However, as long as you are happy, then I can tolerate anything and anyone else. There is one thing that I wish I could ask you. It is going back to the day we last talked. You said that next semester maybe things could be different with us. But how did you mean that? Did you mean that as maybe being as friends once more? Clarity in these words I wish I had. I am torn on what to do next. I don't think I should send This one to you. I think that it may say too much. It may be too clear, too bold. Too ordinary too unpoetical. I wonder what you think Of these poems. I wish I could have a real answer someday. I wish one time you would respond. Life, Like this poem, has many ups and downs like eternal stairs that are left incomplete. The best thing we can do is to try not to be one of those people that sadly gets left at the shorter end of this Eternal Circle.

Request permission to use this poem

Explore

Hello PoetryVoting

Write