In the crowd of the room
The flashing lights
And pulsating tempo
Of music
That makes my bones
Shake
I am only focused on you.
Your hair, your eyes, your smile
Your confidence and ease.
In any other moment
Your lack of equal interest
In me
Would make my heart feel bruised
And my chest ache
As if it was cracked and hollow.
But, in this moment
I savour the opportunity
To drink in every bit of you
Unnoticed
And pretend that I'm
As much a part of the crowd as you are.
I repeatedly
Commit your face to memory
And then let myself enjoy
The feeling of your skin on mine
You in your overpriced designer t-shirt
Tanned arms bare in short sleeves.
And me in a strappy top
My carefully made up face
That is of no interest to you
Though you might have told me
I looked nice (as you sometimes do
Before we arrive
At these parties).
I cling onto these words
And let them guide
My easy and carefree smile
And swaying movements.
With you in front of me
It's easy to pretend.
I fool even myself
In these little moments
Convince everyone
And maybe even believe that
I am having the best time of my life
And then wonder
When I am alone
Why happiness feels so empty.