I’m still so in love with you.

Oh the hours I’ve spent
Reliving the pictures of us
I held in my mind and in my hands

I’d look so carefully
Study our smiles
Your eyes,
My eyes
Every freckle and lash

Looking for that offending something
That doomed us to fail

At work I’ve been helpless
Gazing out the window
Dreamily
Heart and mind far away
Wandering with you.
‘Oh that’s a girl in love’
The old lady said
As she chuckled and shuffled out the door
My cheeks reddening.

What do I make of it all
I had so much questions and doubt.
Why do I only grow in more love for you
The longer we are apart
Why won’t it fade
Like everything else?

How can I still want you this much
When I know so strongly we are wrong
Why can’t I even use
This violent imagination
To even imagine myself with someone new?

Everyday is worse
Than the one before it
My calling reaching deafening pitch
Ma coeur ma coeur
Come home.

I’m still so in love with you.

I want to throw my arms around you
Bury my face in your neck
Breathe you in
Oh how I crave you
Kiss every inch of you
Tracing the lines of you
Painting you with my fingers
Feel drums deep in your chest,
Under my hands
Your laugh like sun bursting
From behind clouds
And how you’d look at me
Holding my face so gently
Fires in your eyes
Fierce and gentle at the same time
The crooked smile
The nervous hands
Asking, never taking
Oh how I want you.

I live for your words
An addict I’ve become
Counting the minutes between
Each contact. Each word.
I imagine how you’d say them
The shape of your lips
Your summer eyes
Changing and folding
With the seasons of your sentences
If words were water
My darling,
Let it pour.

I’m still so in love with you

The missing is unbearable
Desperate and hollow I’ve become
Your ghost
A spectre to follow your bright futures
I never wanted to be a shadow.
I am becoming yours.

I’m still so in love with you

And for that reason
I can’t have you.
For I left you to force you forward
So how can I justify
Taking you back
Even if it is
Into my begging arms.