Losing yourself in the music

The speed

The lights blur past you

You scream the words to your favourite song

At the top of your lungs

Crying

Wishing he were still here with you

Not back there,

With that shot glass

Full of *****

And that other boy,

That *****

Leaving you all alone

Leaving you behind.

You thought he loved you back,

Didn’t you?

Newsflash: he didn’t.

And you’re left

Driving,

Crying,

Screaming,

Beating the steering wheel.

But

Then you see it

The car

Pulling out right in front of you

That car

Full of people

Coming home from graduation

Laughing,

Singing,

Smiling.

You try,

But you can’t stop.

It’s too close

And getting closer.

Time seems to stop

And it freezes

Like your heart seemed to

When you saw him.

Anger

Disappointment

Fear.

It all pumps violently through your veins.

You hit the car

T-bone it,

Hard.

Screams,

Tears,

Terror.

Not all of it your own.

Seconds later,

Sirens.

You feel the hands

Pulling you out of your car

And you look up

Through bloodied eyes

And see

The gurneys across the road

You sent them flying

Across the freeway

And the bodies

They’re everywhere.

Only one is left breathing

And she’s in critical condition.

They try to defibrillate

But her heart stops.

You thought you knew pain

But this was worse.

The overwhelming guilt

The shame

It weighs on you.

You knew better than to drive drunk

But you were sad

And driving always seemed to help.

Not anymore.

Nothing can help you know.

Not even his love

His sympathy

His remorse.

All that matters now

Is the gun in your hand

Pointed at your temple

Finger on the trigger

Heart beating wildly.

You remind yourself,

you deserve this.

They were younger,

Much younger.

Had so much more to look forward to

And you took it from them.

All of it.

You monster.

You pull the trigger.

The lights go out.