have I not held a fruit in so long? one that is this organic and whole an apple a good grip, a solid fit like a hand another hand to hold that I had not held but had wished to hold more longingly than a piece of fruit; which speaks directly to my orthorexia in loud blows of chicken-bone-in-my-throat yelps and laments it screams: I WOULD RATHER HOLD AN ICE CREAM CONE IN ONE HAND IF I GOT TO HOLD YOUR HAND WITH MY OTHER HAND THAN HOLD A DUMB APPLE IN MY HAND WITH THE OTHER EMPTY an apple a good grip, a solid fit my eyes watch the bulb in your throat bounce up and down when you laugh (you laugh more than most people do and I love that about you); when you silently swallow after nodding and listening, engaging my eyes with the rings of your deep brown irises; when you gulp down a gin & tonic or Stella or horrid spiced wine gone luke warm from the cold rain; I watch the apple bounce up and down; a good grip, a solid fit, Iād throw it away (any day) to curl my fingers around an ice cream cone