i wish i could see you without me
rubbing the dust off of your feet.
your tired eyes and pale skin,
i wonder if they’re colored differently.
without me.
this is the life that you chose.
you wake in the morning alone.
you go home at night alone.
without me.
i wonder how you breathe
through thin lips and crooked nose
and how it is you sleep
after putting so many beers
down your throat.

in my memory,
your cold fingers in december:
over my jawline,
in my shirt,
across every crescent.
i felt each callous on my pores.
your scent seeped into me
through my bloodstream—
i was hooked.
i told you i couldn’t wait,
all but begged you to choose me,
i wanted to spend my life with you.
even worse, i still do.

i wish i could see you without me.
are you happy? do you
smile? does your laugh
rumble the way it used to,
the dimples in your cheeks
forming parentheses?
without me.