i’m overwhelmed and i’m swallowing all the words i don’t want to say

and every day i feel things that i don’t want to feel

and every night i dream things i never thought i’d dream

but you will never know because i don’t want to say.

i can’t understand what is happening in my heart or my head

they are constantly conflicted because

i want nothing more than a new body by my side

and words that match the passion.

i haven’t held a promised hand in so long

that i don’t remember how it feels to wake up secure in someone.

but

i crave the security in you.

i’ve been fighting the same war since spring

let go, let go, just wait.

battles always won by opposing body

bringing me further into the woods, i’m so lost.