He said, "I'm sorry"
He apologized a lot and I never really knew why.
He made me dinner.
"I'm sorry I ruined it," he said
But I was just grateful for his thoughtfulness.
He would apologize repeatedly,
I continued to say that I loved it,
I loved him.
And I meant all of it.
"I'm sorry I didn't respond."
"I'm sorry I over slept,"
"I'm sorry I'm sad,"
It all means "I'm sorry I'm flawed"
Honey, I don't want perfect and I never did.
I wanted you in all of your imperfect glory.
I wanted you've worked all day and smell but I want a hug anyway
I wanted terrible morning breath
I wanted mistakes in the kitchen and to watch horrible movies that make us want time back in our lives.
I wanted everything good, bad, weird, anything as long as it was with you.
"I'm sorry," you said
"I'm sorry I didn't say anything, I thought you were mad."
Honey, I can count on one hand the times I was legitimately mad at you,
Frustrated and a little annoyed were more often than mad.
Maybe I didn't apologize enough for being me
When you apologized too often for being yourself
Just because you always thought you had to.
But honey, you are the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Despite the tears and the pain, I am happy to have known you.
I wish we could see the world through each other's eyes,
Maybe then you could see that you are the sun in my universe
And I am just spinning around you.
Maybe then I could see everything you see that's wrong with us.
Maybe then I could prove you wrong...
Maybe then we could fit together like we used to,
Like two puzzle pieces cut perfectly to fill each other's hollow spots.
I'm grasping at straws, the hope that someday soon,
Before I fade away, you'll show up at my door
No words would be needed because our eyes would hold all of the love and yearning we've kept just underneath the surface.
And when we finally melt together, the eruption would happen and we would know that we can make it through anything. Everything.
I'm grasping at straws, but they all slip through my fingertips...they fall to the floor among the pieces of my heart.
"I'm sorry," you'll say.
The saddest thing, I think, is how much we miss each other and want each other,
But we stay as far away as possible
Out of confusion,
Out of habit,
Out of comfort,
Out of fear...
And for all of that, I am sorry.