Apr 2018
Home again alone again
like no other place.
I take off my jacket
and this unfamiliar face,
and into the darkness
where I live and dwell,
away from the strangers in that sunlit hell.
I wonder and I listen
but all I can hear
are the echoes of memories
ringing in my ears.
It’s hard to stay conscious with nothing to feel.
It’s hard to know the difference between what I dream and what’s real.
And all I can smell is ****.
Sooner or later I’ve got to
wake up out of this
nightmare it can’t be for real.
At first I was afraid
but now I don’t know what to feel.
I bought everything I was sold.
I just wish that I had gotten something in exchange for my soul.
It’s ****** by numbers, one day at a time.
The numbers are up so now which one is mine?
In daylight all I see is them wasting their lives
and each night I feel closer to the end of mine.
And I can see colours but I can’t make out the shapes
And I know you so well but don’t recognise your face.
It’s hard to stay conscious with nothing to feel.
It’s hard to keep dreaming, when nothing is real.
And all I can smell is ****.
Sooner or later I’m gonna wake up out of this nightmare, it can’t be for real.
At first I was afraid but now I don’t know what to feel.
I bought everything I was sold,
I just wish that I had gotten something in exchange for my soul.
like no other place.
I take off my jacket
and this unfamiliar face,
and into the darkness
where I live and dwell,
away from the strangers in that sunlit hell.
I wonder and I listen
but all I can hear
are the echoes of memories
ringing in my ears.
It’s hard to stay conscious with nothing to feel.
It’s hard to know the difference between what I dream and what’s real.
And all I can smell is ****.
Sooner or later I’ve got to
wake up out of this
nightmare it can’t be for real.
At first I was afraid
but now I don’t know what to feel.
I bought everything I was sold.
I just wish that I had gotten something in exchange for my soul.
It’s ****** by numbers, one day at a time.
The numbers are up so now which one is mine?
In daylight all I see is them wasting their lives
and each night I feel closer to the end of mine.
And I can see colours but I can’t make out the shapes
And I know you so well but don’t recognise your face.
It’s hard to stay conscious with nothing to feel.
It’s hard to keep dreaming, when nothing is real.
And all I can smell is ****.
Sooner or later I’m gonna wake up out of this nightmare, it can’t be for real.
At first I was afraid but now I don’t know what to feel.
I bought everything I was sold,
I just wish that I had gotten something in exchange for my soul.
I went to rehab once, for about 3 days, then escaped legal custody twice. It was my father who really saved me from myself. He kept me locked in his house for about a year, before gradually allowing me back into the world. I suffered, he suffered. I learnt how to be a person again, got a job, lived a life. But I always felt it was a lie and I was broken; not a real person anymore. Like I’d failed at being me so now I had to pretend to be somebody else.
