You don't know, do you?
The effect you had on me.
The lasting impression.
You were my world.
My screaming, scared under the blankets, nervous to talk, don't want to be here world.
My head spinning and spinning and spinning so dizzy with fear world.
My unsafe, brittle, chaotic world.
My unpredictable world.
My ******, inescapable little world.
You were my nightmares.
You were my fears.
And yet I had to take comfort in you.
I had to be safe with you.
I had no choice but to find a sliver of happiness and fun in your fights and your tantrums.
To take the rare smile and laugh and run with it.
Save it as a memory I could replay over and over in my head
To make up for the years without.
My world was shattered, yet I had to find a way
To look into the shards of glass and find something
Anything
That would make sense.
I had to tiptoe around the jagged pieces, hoping not to trip and cut myself.
I had to dance around the broken glass and survive.
But I had to keep dancing.
And you never knew, did you?