Deep breath... Lord, give me the words to say to help rid me of this anxiety, I pray and pray, and I hope that someday my mind will lose itself, so that I may begin to become legitimately crazy instead of wondering if I am, and maybe then my happiness will begin.. what I'm trying to say is that I wish that I'd become ignorant to grasp bliss, though there is part of me that needs to be informed, that needs to understand my own existence, yet it's troubling, the world seems to be crumbling and I wonder where God is in all of this? I don't want to be angry anymore, I want to simply explore.. this garden we've been given is gorgeous, but a parking lot we seem to give back, and it's blasphemous.. so I close my eyes and pray, and again there are no words to say to Him and I lose my grip, this mustard seed is shrinking into the abyss... and so I pray and pray, tomorrow is not promised, not even today, yet I worry for the future, that maybe I somehow can suture the wounds my brethren and myself have cut down into Her skin, but it just feels like a bandaid on a severed artery, so I cling now to artistry and write poems with no purpose, no real direction, no real topic, merely reflection.. and I hope that someday these words will make a difference to somebody, anyone, even just one and then this time I spent would be worth it, a sort of desperate attempt to repent.. read my words and know that there are tears behind them, that I'm dying and okay with that, that I'm trying and will slay this dragon of my addiction, whether it's today or not I highly doubt it, just know that my death will be my knight in shining armor, coming to save me from this veiled disorder, order out of chaos.. as above so below? I see your souls..