Apr 2018
The worst part
Is always the missing
The aching
Oh how I wish you were here
It’s constant and aching
My chest is bruised from the inside out
My joints ache
My fingers pine
My mind replays you
Over and over
Smiling eyes
The sun on your skin
The sound of your heart beating
Your voice lighting up in laughter
The safety of your arms
Holding me in your bed
Sleepy breathing
Kissing my hands
The colour of your hair
Changing with the weather
Your lips on mine
Crooked smile
Our fingers intertwined
Your voice, telling me you loved me
The look in your eyes
How they changed
With the tides of your heart
The trees shadows mottling
Your ascent up the driveway
Chilly spring night
Finding me in the streets
Wrapped up on the couch
I’m encapsulated by you and your blankets
Safe in your arms
The only place I could truly rest
Oh how I love you.
Oh, how I miss you!
How I wish you were here
How I wish you were mine
It’s all I can do
Not to call you
Just to hear your voice
And hold onto you
A little while longer
Is always the missing
The aching
Oh how I wish you were here
It’s constant and aching
My chest is bruised from the inside out
My joints ache
My fingers pine
My mind replays you
Over and over
Smiling eyes
The sun on your skin
The sound of your heart beating
Your voice lighting up in laughter
The safety of your arms
Holding me in your bed
Sleepy breathing
Kissing my hands
The colour of your hair
Changing with the weather
Your lips on mine
Crooked smile
Our fingers intertwined
Your voice, telling me you loved me
The look in your eyes
How they changed
With the tides of your heart
The trees shadows mottling
Your ascent up the driveway
Chilly spring night
Finding me in the streets
Wrapped up on the couch
I’m encapsulated by you and your blankets
Safe in your arms
The only place I could truly rest
Oh how I love you.
Oh, how I miss you!
How I wish you were here
How I wish you were mine
It’s all I can do
Not to call you
Just to hear your voice
And hold onto you
A little while longer
The thing about running, is you have to stop one day.
And it’s so much worse. It’s so much worse. It feels like I have let you rob me of a vital *****. I wish I never let you go on the hill by the sea. I wish I held you longer. Made you stay with my family. I wish I let myself keep kissing you. I wish I’d told you how much I loved you more often than I did. I wish I was different so you could be who you needed to be. I wish your happily ever after could’ve been me! I wanted it to be me! I wish I didn’t know it, I wish I could love you more selfishly and just keep you!!! I wish I kept you. I wish I could keep you.
But I cannot willfully watch you become less than you can be with me. I won’t be the one to diminish you. I’m going to try to be who you need. And someday, someday... maybe you’ll find your way back to me.
And it’s so much worse. It’s so much worse. It feels like I have let you rob me of a vital *****. I wish I never let you go on the hill by the sea. I wish I held you longer. Made you stay with my family. I wish I let myself keep kissing you. I wish I’d told you how much I loved you more often than I did. I wish I was different so you could be who you needed to be. I wish your happily ever after could’ve been me! I wanted it to be me! I wish I didn’t know it, I wish I could love you more selfishly and just keep you!!! I wish I kept you. I wish I could keep you.
But I cannot willfully watch you become less than you can be with me. I won’t be the one to diminish you. I’m going to try to be who you need. And someday, someday... maybe you’ll find your way back to me.
