if we make it to December
and I'm still here
be surprised I stuck around
and didn't disappear
be surprised that I found
some other reason to endear
cause in the dark it's cold
and I'm frozen with fear
(death has my ear
death has my ear)
pray for his relief
hope this time it's for real
has me dreaming of heaven
has me feeling it near
I got this feeling his embrace
would make it all clear
if I can forget for a second
that I'm somebody's daughter
then I'd gladly go quick
and go quick as a martyr
And if I don't end it all
before the year is over
consider it a victory;
another badge on my shoulder
maybe January won't come and go
and leave me much colder
always hated New Year’s Eve,
left me feeling much older
one part nostalgia,
all the phone calls
two parts petty,
not getting any;
not getting any at all
it's funny it's funny
and I'm actually laughing
the fact that I'm jealous
of all that *** that you’re having
if you saw me weeping last Tuesday
I didn’t have a cold
I was throwing up
and matter of fact
I might have thrown up
cause I saw your face
and all I could think of was her
cause what I saw in your face
made me feel like a blur
made me feel like I'm useless
and I'm useless to you
******* place was flooded,
made me sick to my stomach
the way we go through life
walking acting cold blooded
got me feeling disgusted,
got me growing berserk
if it isn't home or school,
or my reflection, it's work
and it's crazy how looking
at that one girl can hurt
it's crazy how the fake friends
seem to pile up like dirt
and it's trash and it's corpses
and it's venom at best
the fact I'm still here
isn't making me feel blessed
**** place full of people,
**** smiles, ****, it's evil
and my attempts at pursuit
are pathetic and feeble
the crowd's optimism is lethal,
stick both eyes with a needle
and pray to heaven
and the angels
that I won't ever see you
I’d fill an ocean with all of
the loathing I'm feeling right now
self-loathing got me wondering
if I'll work through it somehow
I'll tell you about the crying,
but I'm willing to bet
bet you know how it gets,
bet you know all the rest
these twenty years of age
on my chest and my breast
pretty much feel like I'm dying;
pretty much feel like I'm dead