for years I haven't been worthy
I've never written on the left side
I've never counted the right amount of rungs on the ladder of my life
I'll always overestimate
I'll always be underestimated

my legs will fall asleep sitting indian style
I'll lie to myself so many times
I am a thief

my ashtray is overflowing with my secrets
***** ashes of who I used to be
smug butts of forgiveness and regret

you'll never see me as solid
or balanced

I'll never see myself as anything other than the deepest wanderer
and that is an unkempt mess to you

a rushed maneuvering of the wheel