I wish they would’ve told me about EDNOS
Eating disorder not otherwise specified
That just because I don’t throw up or starve myself extremely
Doesn’t mean that I’m fine

But they didn’t tell me
So my EDNOS I kept to myself
I thought that it was just me
That I didn’t need help

I wish they would’ve told me about real depression
That it’s not always sudden
It can creep up on you
That it’s not always so obvious

But they didn’t tell me
So my depression I hid
I thought that if no one noticed, then it didn’t exist
That I didn’t need help

I wish they would’ve told me about real self harm
That it’s not just cutting
Self harm is hurting yourself
And it isn’t always ******

But they didn’t tell me
So I told myself that it wasn’t self harm
That biting bruises in my arms was ok
Scratching myself to cope wasn’t really self harm

I wish they would’ve told me about anxiety
That it’s unexplainable to anyone
How one minute your fine and the next
You feel like you’re dying

But they didn’t tell me
So my anxiety I dismissed
My fears weren’t explainable
When I couldn’t breathe, I was fine

I wish that they told me that it was about me
How I felt
How no one could invalidate my issues
Even if I didn’t fit the definitions perfectly

But they didn’t tell me
So when my mom said I was PMSing
Myself I started second guessing
Maybe how I felt was normal

Above all I wish they would’ve told me to tell someone
That handling my health by myself is hard
Too big a burden to handle on my own
You can’t use your mind to fix what’s inside your mind

But they didn’t tell me
So I struggle alone with my depression and anxiety
I suffer in silence with the evidence of my self harm and EDNOS
And soon they won’t be able to tell me anything anymore