about a year ago,
everything was different--
my heart, my soul, my sparkle
could light up the sky, so bright, as if
it were raining a million lightning bugs
in the depths of the darkest jungle.

the sound of my life was monotonous,
something like a boring ache,
but I knew no real pain.
I floated from place to place,
experiencing
seeing
believing.
I found you in the strangest place,
I found you like a stunning moth
Sitting poised upon the wall;
To which I gathered everyone 'round and said
"Look at this! Look at what I've found."

My best friend is a hunter
And if my soul,
My mind,
My heart
Were a bunch of mists that floated to and fro
You captured it
In such a way it blinded us,
Bound me by my spirit
And in love with you I go.

My life is different now.
If I were young, wild, and free
A pretty little filly lost in a sea of flowers,
A butterfly that knew no better,
Or the prettiest colored star in the sky,
Now I am nothing more
Than yesterday's cup of coffee;
Cold, useless and unbearable

The darkness you have put me in
Is nothing like I've ever felt before
Its strange, really, to feel as if life is a nightmare
To which no one else can open the door.
The key to misery
Is experiencing so much more
The key to misery, you see,
Is loving until you can't anymore.

In my many yesterdays,
I cried and thought I had loved
But the men I once thought had tamed me
I realized
were never meant to be
and only dreamed of owning me
the way you've captured me.

You are restless vines that weave and wrap around my heart,
You are the special kind of darkness
That slowly tears my world apart.
I've never felt so far away
From the place I was a year ago
But to say I'd rather live a day apart
Is a lie I try to tell myself
& you correct me as if it is an art.

I've given up, I've given in
My glass jar sits upon your table,
My light slowly fading,
Like a flame without the air.
You stare, uninterested, as my soul slowly burns away
I try my best to catch your eye,
Sparkle, sparkle, sparkle;
Maybe I can make you smile before I die.

If only you knew

What you had in that little jar,
If only you knew
What that little butterfly
Would have done for you.
I have never known
Happiness
The way you brought it to me,
Wrapped neatly up
In a present full of poison.
I have never known
Pain
The way I feel it now,
Burning in my veins
Throbbing in my heart
And wreaking havoc on my thoughts.

I can't let go,
I can't escape this grip you have,
You're the best and worst entity
That has ever graced my past.
I'd rather die in your hands
Than live the rest of my days without you
I guess you'll never understand