My addiction showed me happiness, joy and love. It warmed my heart as it burned thru my soul. Finally I felt complete confidence and drive to keep moving thru this humdrum life.
What made me so happy has made me this lost and empty shell that I am today. Hazy days turned into endless nights turned into 18 years of aimlessly wondering,  trying to find my way in this life. A big part of my life gone and its all a blur. Memories and moments I'll never get back.  Waisted time on a waisted life waisting space in this rather pointless life.
Please take all my doubts and fears and replace them with faith and courage to have the strength and knowledge to make the needed changes. Show me my purpose, why am I still continuing to stumble on day after day in this world they call life?  
I'm still here because you have chosen me. But for what? I need to know,  my soul longs to see.