get yourself acquainted with new smells
and let them fill the sad corners of your home;
two months ago i would've told you
i wanted to bottle up his smile and keep it in my pocket
to remind me that i love him even when it got lost between all the heavy words

but he left a heart-shaped hole in my life
and the shape is too intricate for me to fill
with empty love
so i abandoned the space

beds can only be so comfortable
when you get used to them
and sink further into the mattress each day
you become prisoner to an idea of safety
and the feeling of emptiness

i left and found green gardens
roses and sunflowers; i thought
i'd never seen a flower in my life
he'd painted me a life so bleak i think i'd stopped seeing color

maybe i don't love the garden for its' flowers and grass
but i can finally feel the sun against my skin

i'd always thought i was too sensitive
because he was my sun

i promise you
this is not a sad poem
or a love poem
but rather an ode to
me
and all the gardens growing within me;