Sometimes I get this pain in my chest
enough to cause minor panic and the loss of a couple hours
like six
I really coulda used the other night. Every night.
It comes with an irregular jolt of some
welled up static charge down my arm and sometimes my neck.
I try to tell my family and friends, but of course they say
it’s all in my head. It’s nonsense. Anxiety.
See a shrink, get some meds.
*******! I get it!
But I think I know
my own heart
takin’ it’s time in between beats like an inebriate drummer
******' up the same song, over and over and over and over and I
been like this for years it would seem, the cause I have ideas for
but truthfully, that’s a path
I really don’t want to tread down. But I will.
For last December, the last time I felt love
last in me longer than a couple seconds
I lost it faster than it took for me to fall
for her in the first place, which was fast.
Like really fast.
Faster than my heart
Now beating again
Beating my ribs
furiously
Beating
pounding
Slower
now slowing
Slower.
And slower,
slowly slowing like the slow lapse of time it’s taking me to feel
Which is zero.
I feel zero.