They say the Jones' next door have the car to die for
They say it has an electric heater an'all
They say it's low on fuel consumption
That must be true
'cos I heard it go up the hill and stall

...but I ask you...
Who the hell is 'they' anyway!

They say the events of Roswell are true
They say the little green men did come say howdy
They say the evidence is strewn all over
That must be right
'cos just mention it in the South an' everyone gets rowdy!

...but I say again...
Who the hell is 'they' anyway!

They say Kennedy was shot while moseying along the motorcade
They said something about a Lee an' a Harvey an' a rifle
They say there was someone else on a grass of Knoll?
I know that must be true
'cos I was standing next to him eating my trifle!

...but c'mon....
Who the hell is 'they' anyway!

They say the end of the world is nigh
They say it's time to pack some supplies, baked beans 'n rice
They say the next quake will be the One
That must be right
'cos I read somewhere the Lord throws a loaded dice!

'Tis true...but I gotta ask...
Who the hell is 'they' anyway!

They say a man should love a woman like he does his own soul
They say this is the sacred secret to happiness, romance and bliss
They say he should worship her like a queen
That must be the case
'cos the last time I looked, all I had was my Bloodhound to kiss!

This time I have to concede to 'em
As hard and humbling it may be
In this case siding with they an' them an' theirs
Is all one needs for long life, peace and freedom

...but who the hell am I anyway!