I love you.
But I shouldn't.
There is someone else
who makes me happier
than you ever did.
But
they don't have something
that you have.

Something special,
that made me want
to care for you
and forgive
even when you were
hurtful to me.
Something special,
that made me want to know
all of you,
that there was always something missing
in you
and I had to find it
somewhere.

I never saw your eyes.
I think they are grey
as you told me.
I wish I could see them.
It's been years since I've gazed
into your pool
of wonders
and horrors.

I heard your voice
barely.
If you count
distant words
spoken into cups,
with no string,
talking of nonesense things,
like how the wind
moves through the field
we sat together in once,
once.

I've known you
ever since we were toddlers.
About ten years now
but I feel like I don't even know you.
Every time we strike a conversation,
I get shy
timid
nervous
that I'll say something wrong
that'll make you leave me forever.
It makes me feel
like we are meeting for the first time.
Like we are falling in love
all over again.

I miss you.
My heart aches for you
so much.
Somedays not as bad.
And some
I can hardly take the pain.
Someday we will be together again.
And everything will work,
everything will fall into place
and we can be happy again.
There will be no 2000 miles
between us.
But we have to wait,
and I will wait
as long as it takes.