i sink through fields of red crimson cord, strewn across my own mindspace
synapse detached through joint stimulating electron particle repulsion
soul and heart and hearth and home
dissolved in a soup of blind, driven, unREMORSEFUL feeling

bleeding blood that appears not as blood, trailing in stream(er)s from a decorated float
appearing through veiled social distance, bleeding through to dark spots on the jeans i haven't washed since last week
appearing as an image, mirrored reflection with just a
hint
of deception
(as though i'm not really here, i'm not who you think i am you will me to be,
i disappeared when you last left me here, last left to chase your own sun
i disappeared slowly, as if melting, dissolving, being swept away, dust filled
i disappeared in the wake of the last tornado to sweep through this yawning town
this blip on my radar
this phase that fazes me not as i walk jaded, unfeeling, uncaring, unmoved
i disappeared and now there's no trace of me left to answer)

i retain my poker face from guys' night out, though now i don't have to tell you that tonight i need to be alone, no,
tonight i
w h i s p e r
it
as if you're still listening