he makes me feel more dead than alive
and i thought it was the opposite
until i realised
i have craved being empty for so long
i count calories on my phone
because habits are hard to break.
i swear every time that
this pack of cigarettes will be the last
and then i find myself
lost again
and crawling up the stairs when i'm too drunk
is a tradition i never missed
because it never left to begin with

feb. 25.