at this time, i am 18,
i am living as a boy
around everyone but my family.
i have come out numerous times,
but they still have trouble accepting me,
for who i am.
living two lives
is terrifying
i am always scared.
living as Hailey around my family,
living as Alex around my friends
i have no identity
i’m praying to be a boy,
i’m dreaming to be a boy,
i’m wishing to be a boy.
i’m begging to God to change my body
i do not belong in my body
this is not my body.
my chest is not my chest,
my voice is not my voice,
my body is not my body.
for as long as i can remember
my brain and body have been fighting
many wars have been lost by my brain
i’m tired of constantly fighting
of constantly losing
this is exhausting!