everyday i look at myself
and the first thing i see is my flaws
everyone says
“you will learn to love your body”
and
“stop self hating”
but how?
i don’t see that happening
you say these things
these goals
but don’t tell me how to reach them
do you think i know?
because i’m not even
a little bit close
to
loving my body
and embracing my flaws
and not bringing myself down
and sometimes
when i want to feel good about myself
i turn to others for their approval
because i know
i cant make myself feel better
even if i think i finally
look good in a photo
or in the mirror
i post it
because i need to see the comments
to make myself feel better
i know for **** sure
i can’t do that on my own
when i want to make myself feel better
i take a selfie
and post it
and then i wait for the comments
the comments that make me feel better
that make me love myself
a little bit more
and now when you hear this
you’re gonna think
how desperate is this girl?
im desperate to love myself
im desperate to look in the mirror
and only see me
and not all of my flaws
to take a photo with my friends
and just like the photo
instead of instantly comparing myself to them
so how desperate am i to love myself?
very desperate.
but nothing seems to work
because everything i try
still brings self hate in the end
and everyone says
why do girls have to be
focused on beauty
and perfection
and being skinny
I DONT KNOW
why do we?
no one has ever answered
that question
and i want to know
because everyday i think about those three things
and bring myself down more
so please tell me why we are
and tell me how we can stop being so obsessed with these things
because i don’t know how
i envy the girls
that are so pretty
and don’t even try
the girls i stalk on instagram
wanting their skinny bodies
and perfect faces
if i want to feel bad about myself
i know i can just go to their accounts
look at their photos
and think
tess why aren’t you as pretty as them
why can’t you have their flat nose
why can’t you have their
small forehead
why can’t you have their flat stomach
why can’t you have their perfect legs
why do you have to be flat in the one place you don’t want to be
why do you have to have so many rolls when you sit down
so many that you put your arm over your stomach bc you’re afraid everyone can see them
why can’t you just be pretty like them?
everyday i tell myself these things
everyday i ask myself these questions
wanting to know the answers
wanting to know why i can’t be pretty
why i cant love myself
and i have never gotten an answer