I don't have clarity anymore, it costs more than the 2.25 I have in my bank account.
The job I couldn't keep didn't burn to the ground so I don't have that going for me either.
I spend my nights not knowing how to say these things I'm feeling.
Then I spend my days screaming them at the mirror.
I have make funeral arrangements every time I lay down but I have to refund them because I keep waking up.
Maybe next time will be the time I get up and have the beautiful view of me still laying there.
Still.
Cold.
I'll fade away into the void of night and the corpses legs won't let it get up again.
They'll stay rooted to the ground as everyone weeps and mourns around it.
Mourns another fallen shard of glass fracturing into a miasma of hate and dissonance.
I'll get to watch myself get lowered into the ground as my mother is comforted by her remaining sons.
The corpse will lay still in the coffin.
The payment on the arrangements goes through and I don't get up the next morning.
Instead of all this I open my eyes.
I check the time.
And I try to die again for a few more hours.