I wake up in a pool of sweat,
The memories are back
I wish these were just nightmares
And not the times so dark.

I'm recollecting the bad times now
The pain of what u did
The agony of those home visits
The searing fear and dread

Why did I not speak out
And tell someone close to me
I could have got the help I needed
And I could have been set free

The beatings that you gave me
The times it "wasn't meant"
God knows that you apologised
And thats why the flowers were sent.

I didn't want your hearts and flowers
I didn't want your beatings
I wanted you to get some help
To go to N.A meetings

I used to dread you coming home
To encounter your impending mood
I knew I was going to get something
And I knew that it wouldn't be good

You ***** me so hard one night I recall
When you were on a drug fuelled rage
It resulted in me losing my baby
You caused that miscarriage

You tied me down one night and laughed
At what was coming my way
You invited your pals and brother in
To join your sick party

I was badly scarred by you and your pals
I'm only just now getting through it
You hurt me outside but also inside
But believe me you will never know it.