Feb 2018
Today I took a shower
I stood under the water for probably way too long
I turned the water up way too hot
But today I took a shower today
And that’s something
That means im still alive right?
Dead people can’t take showers,
At least I don’t think they can,
Ghosts probably can’t either so
If I took a shower that means im still alive.
It’s funny though,
I didn’t want to.
Take a shower I mean, 1
Because Im afraid of washing off the touch
Of your hands on my skin
Because what if I never feel that again
And If I had known that night would have been the
Last time for a while,
Until this “break” ends and you get things figured out,
Then I wouldn’t have been drunk
Because then I would have gotten to feel your arms around me for a while longer
Before I fell asleep
And I forgot before but I remember now,
I told you that I really liked you
And that that wasn’t just “drunk me” saying that.
And I forgot before but I remember now,
You didn’t say “I like you too”
You didn’t actually say anything.
And I don’t blame you.
I don’t hate you, hell I actually love you
And I think that’s why this hurts
Because I know you need time and space
And the ability to figure out who you are
And the ability to find who you are without
The added weight of a relationship
And I know you’ve told me that its nothing I did
“its not you its me” and maybe I love you so maybe
THAT’S why this hurts so bad
Because I can’t just “take a break” from loving you.
I don’t know what our future holds,
You held my hand as we talked about this
And I cried on you, about you, which is probably a stupid thing to do
But I told you I wouldn’t give up,
I said I’d wait as long as you needed me to,
Which is true. But it hurts, but I feel like im losing everything,
Who am i? I don’t know.
You have a birth mark on your hand that I never noticed,
And I miss you. But you’re right here. But I miss you.
And you know that, and you said you’ll miss me too.
And I cried on you, about you, which was probably a stupid thing to do,
But your fingers in my hair still felt the same and then you said
“your hair feels different” and I cried again
the obvious answer is because I dyed it, but
all I wanted to say was “yeah, everything does”
And I don’t know how to do this alone….
All of this running through my mind
Like the water running over my skin
That perhaps made it easier to cry….
But… I took a shower today
And that’s something.
Right?
I stood under the water for probably way too long
I turned the water up way too hot
But today I took a shower today
And that’s something
That means im still alive right?
Dead people can’t take showers,
At least I don’t think they can,
Ghosts probably can’t either so
If I took a shower that means im still alive.
It’s funny though,
I didn’t want to.
Take a shower I mean, 1
Because Im afraid of washing off the touch
Of your hands on my skin
Because what if I never feel that again
And If I had known that night would have been the
Last time for a while,
Until this “break” ends and you get things figured out,
Then I wouldn’t have been drunk
Because then I would have gotten to feel your arms around me for a while longer
Before I fell asleep
And I forgot before but I remember now,
I told you that I really liked you
And that that wasn’t just “drunk me” saying that.
And I forgot before but I remember now,
You didn’t say “I like you too”
You didn’t actually say anything.
And I don’t blame you.
I don’t hate you, hell I actually love you
And I think that’s why this hurts
Because I know you need time and space
And the ability to figure out who you are
And the ability to find who you are without
The added weight of a relationship
And I know you’ve told me that its nothing I did
“its not you its me” and maybe I love you so maybe
THAT’S why this hurts so bad
Because I can’t just “take a break” from loving you.
I don’t know what our future holds,
You held my hand as we talked about this
And I cried on you, about you, which is probably a stupid thing to do
But I told you I wouldn’t give up,
I said I’d wait as long as you needed me to,
Which is true. But it hurts, but I feel like im losing everything,
Who am i? I don’t know.
You have a birth mark on your hand that I never noticed,
And I miss you. But you’re right here. But I miss you.
And you know that, and you said you’ll miss me too.
And I cried on you, about you, which was probably a stupid thing to do,
But your fingers in my hair still felt the same and then you said
“your hair feels different” and I cried again
the obvious answer is because I dyed it, but
all I wanted to say was “yeah, everything does”
And I don’t know how to do this alone….
All of this running through my mind
Like the water running over my skin
That perhaps made it easier to cry….
But… I took a shower today
And that’s something.
Right?
