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Feb 2018
And so silence was my middle name.
Unabridged.
Alphabet hammered ,bruised and battered.
Letters chiseled to perfection with only a tinge of willingness.

For the brief chance I had to a whiff of fresh air ;the fresh air that briskly made love to the reality of my circumstance, I was willing .
Willing to endure what had tested me with no memorandum inked to attest to my hardships .

Til the very same fog that danced around the uncertain rhythms of my life, stagnated .
Still.
Stood anxiously awaiting a staggering movement from me .
Still.
A haze I never wished to intensify .
A blur that clogged the oceans of my eyes sailed by amateur emotions that were bound by unruly currents.
I found myself drowning all over again.
Gasping for that fresh air all over again . Holding on to that willingness all over again .

And then I suffocated .
Wriggled in my own imperfections.
Oxygen no longer felt like an element that gave me life .
Period.
It cringed in the air and allowed me to breathe in it’s uncertainty.
Breathe in it’s discomfort and displacement.
Still leaning left to right ,still attempting to comprehend where I stand because with a table of rusty , polluted contents , a girl like me could never be in her element.

Until silence was my middle name.
Birthed in the aftermath.
Words no longer strong enough to carry the emotion I filled them with .
No longer prepared to sway with heaviness .Unbalanced because I was stripped of a beauty that I created for myself and was left to feel less than nothing .

Allow me to reintroduce myself.
Silence is the name.
Daughter to Fear and adopted by Contentment.

Silence is the name.
Cousin to anxiety and befriended by Peace.

Still ,my name is silence .
And silence is still my name .
AntiFemale
Written by
AntiFemale
  264
     Fawn and Caleb Janse van Rensburg
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