As a Child I loved to play pretend;
It was my favorite game.
As I grew older, I was no different;
You could say it was the same.
I took the stage for the sound of laughter;
I took the stage for praise.
I seldom broke my character,
Even when backstage.
I tried to give them everything they wanted;
Always doing the most, going the extra mile.
I tried to give them everything they needed;
Always with a smile.
It was enough to see them happy;
To see the hurt just fade away.
Even if just for a moment;
It was enough to just make their day.
But then you walked into my life;
And the game I loved had changed.
Your smile was the only one that mattered,
The only one desired, the only one I craved.
The character I knew so well;
Seemed so old and overplayed.
I tried my best to keep my act up;
But my resolve was growing weak.
My thoughts of you would not subside;
Around you I could hardly speak.
But when I could, I was truly happy;
The hurt they never saw just faded away.
Even if I was with you just for a moment;
Your smile could make my day.
I grew to care for you immensely;
I thought I hid it well.
I played it cool intently;
It got harder as I fell.
I looked so different around you;
My cheeks took on a rosy hue.
I took on a different role around you;
I was a fresh-faced ingénue.
Last year you sat beside me;
You asked if someone had my heart.
This moment called for honesty;
But I panicked, and well,
Some old habits just die hard.
I looked ahead, not looking you in the eye;
I did what I did best
I played pretend,
And I told the greatest lie.
Why I did this?
I don’t l know.
Maybe I loved the drama;
Drama always made for a better show.
I often think about that night;
And how I went from cool to cold.
My heart breaks and tears fall as I write;
I only have myself to scold.
I took a final bow that night;
I prematurely said “The End.”
I should have put up a tougher fight;
But I showed cowardice instead.
It's like I'm little girl again,
Now with a broken heart to mend;
Because when I think of you, what could have been,
I can only play pretend.