it wasn’t you at all.

it was my bedroom.
it was the evening
seeping in, absorbing
light,
i didn’t dare try to make it
right.

i listened to the night.
it sobbed like a
widowed wife,
and i was a child,
afraid to love,
a dad who forgot
and a mom so lost
i watched her rot.

it wasn’t you, not even once
your hands were nice,
ill admit
but i used you.
took your lungs
to fill my own chest.

but i still couldn’t breathe!
how could you do
such a thing
to me?

i gave up everything
i gave up my hopes
my dreams, my life
you became a castle
that i couldn’t leave
i locked every door
and stabbed the key
through my abdomen wall

but i didn’t bleed
i only wept


don’t misunderstand my words
i loved you
so ******* much.
i asked for it.
i asked you to
choke me out
so i couldn’t feel the
self-doubt.

i asked too much of you.
how could a person be
a home to me?

fall in love with the trees,
with the creeks and the
bright blue morning sky
you'll find everything
you’ve ever
wanted there.

it’s freedom
it’s power and
beauty
and love
more love than i could have
ever supplied

don’t hold a finger
like a gun to your
head

you can’t love anything
when you’re dead.