i don’t know what to do, love. i wish there was something i could do to help me bare with the heaviness of your absence. as hard as it is, i’ve come to realize that i need you here. i need to hear the sound of your laugh. i need to gaze into your brown eyes one more time. i need to stare at you doing such ordinary things, like watching your favorite show or having your favorite dish. i need to hear you talk about university or state your opinion on a movie or documentary. i need to feel that ache in my stomach from cracking up at your jokes and watching you do the clumsiest things to make me laugh. i need you to try to throw me off bed and feed me in public when i’m not looking just because you know it embarrasses me. i need you to pose anywhere and take endless pictures of us. i need you to introduce me to your mom one more time. i need you to smile again when she asks about me. i need you to get frustrated with me but still call me by my name so i know i haven’t lost you forever. i need you to randomly call me when your friends are around. i need you to ask me one more time why i want to hang up. i need you to listen as i tell you the things i could never say to anyone else. i need you to get under my skin, to **** me off like no one else. i need you to make me feel as comfortable as i felt the first night we met. i need you to put my mind at ease. i need you to fight for me one more time. i need you to discuss the most random topics with me. i need you to share your writings one more time. i need you to lay with me while we listen to our favorite songs, just one more time. i need you to give me that rush, to send shivers down my spine, to make me feel like my heart is about to drop, just one more time. as pathetic as it sounds, i need you here. but i know for a fact, that you don’t need me. and i don’t need the heartache of knowing that you don’t feel the same way i do.

so stay safe, love. i need you to be strong, love. i need you to admire every sunset you come across. i need you to blast your favorite songs and cruise around the city. I need you to wear your heart on your sleeve without worrying about the whole world looking. i need you to finish reading the book i gave you. i need you to keep those two bracelets. i need you to work ******* achieving your goals. i need you to make the best out of your life because every second counts. i need you to smile softly. i need you to fall in love with someone who’s willing to give you more than you deserve, because you deserve the world and should only settle for someone who can offer you an entire multiverse. i need you to talk about your feelings. i need you to value yourself and stand your ground. i need you to recommend the Breadwinner series to as many people as you can. i need you to listen to Location one more time. i need you to sing along to it, just one more time. i need you to go on with your life and i need you to be happy, even if that happiness doesn’t include me. i need you to belong to the horizon and the night sky and the stars, because you could never belong to me.


yours truly,
S.B.