Jan 2018
Winter 2015, and my cheeks ache from smiling
First semester's done, and I'm finally having fun.
Surrounded by loved ones assuring me I'm amazing
I'm scared to tell them
I'm having a hard time with this college thing.
You came along then, not yet my friend.
Funny, awkward child, with no sense of style
But for some reason, that holiday season
Marked the first chapter, the innocent beginning
I trace it back to that winter of 2015.
Spring 2016, and my stomach hurts from laughing
I'm back home again, on a cold, sunny weekend.
School is exhausting, and I feel my grip slipping
I've been so lonely I felt hollow and empty
You made it all go away, made everything okay
Who would have guessed your silly jokes and teasing
Were just what I needed, that spring of 2016.
Still 2016, and our bond is growing.
I go through my days with a huge smile on my face
Just waiting for Friday, when you walk through the doorway
And I feel the kind of happy that makes my toes curl
And makes me bounce around like a little girl
I didn't even see what you were becoming to me
Told myself you were just a child I regarded fondly
Despite the crushing despair whenever you weren't there
Despite the hours waiting for your name on my phone screen
Yes, I was still delusional by the end of 2016.
It's 2017, and my eyes sting from crying
But a few words from you and I can't stop laughing
You said what I needed to hear to persevere
Through the icy winters and blistering summer heat
You created my best memories.
The deli, the pool, the walks to the coffee shop
All those evenings I wished time would stop
When we worked as a team, when you starred in my dreams,
Those love poems I penned, my jealousy of your girlfriend
Finally forced me to stop denying my feelings
I could no longer ignore them in 2017.
Winter 2017, and I can't deny you're changing.
Taller, cooler, the boy of every girl's dream.
One night, we sang along to your favorite love song
We told each other stories and relived past memories
And I was absolutely, deliriously happy
Despite knowing your leaving will shatter my heart
Despite being closer than ever, we'd never been further apart.
I knew the end was beginning--in winter 2017.
It's 2018, and I've got to stop dreaming.
I'm fighting and screaming as our distance keeps growing.
You went from a child in my mind to a love of a painful kind.
And even as you stray away, and I beg for you to stay
I've known deep down every year that this day was drawing near.
So as I see the pretty girls you hold in a firm embrace
As the smile I've loved for years spreads across your face
I wish the best for you and remember all we've been through
Just now, you texted I love you, and I didn't say it back
Couldn't bring myself to.
Instead I opened my laptop and began typing everything
The last poem I'll write about you, in winter 2018.
First semester's done, and I'm finally having fun.
Surrounded by loved ones assuring me I'm amazing
I'm scared to tell them
I'm having a hard time with this college thing.
You came along then, not yet my friend.
Funny, awkward child, with no sense of style
But for some reason, that holiday season
Marked the first chapter, the innocent beginning
I trace it back to that winter of 2015.
Spring 2016, and my stomach hurts from laughing
I'm back home again, on a cold, sunny weekend.
School is exhausting, and I feel my grip slipping
I've been so lonely I felt hollow and empty
You made it all go away, made everything okay
Who would have guessed your silly jokes and teasing
Were just what I needed, that spring of 2016.
Still 2016, and our bond is growing.
I go through my days with a huge smile on my face
Just waiting for Friday, when you walk through the doorway
And I feel the kind of happy that makes my toes curl
And makes me bounce around like a little girl
I didn't even see what you were becoming to me
Told myself you were just a child I regarded fondly
Despite the crushing despair whenever you weren't there
Despite the hours waiting for your name on my phone screen
Yes, I was still delusional by the end of 2016.
It's 2017, and my eyes sting from crying
But a few words from you and I can't stop laughing
You said what I needed to hear to persevere
Through the icy winters and blistering summer heat
You created my best memories.
The deli, the pool, the walks to the coffee shop
All those evenings I wished time would stop
When we worked as a team, when you starred in my dreams,
Those love poems I penned, my jealousy of your girlfriend
Finally forced me to stop denying my feelings
I could no longer ignore them in 2017.
Winter 2017, and I can't deny you're changing.
Taller, cooler, the boy of every girl's dream.
One night, we sang along to your favorite love song
We told each other stories and relived past memories
And I was absolutely, deliriously happy
Despite knowing your leaving will shatter my heart
Despite being closer than ever, we'd never been further apart.
I knew the end was beginning--in winter 2017.
It's 2018, and I've got to stop dreaming.
I'm fighting and screaming as our distance keeps growing.
You went from a child in my mind to a love of a painful kind.
And even as you stray away, and I beg for you to stay
I've known deep down every year that this day was drawing near.
So as I see the pretty girls you hold in a firm embrace
As the smile I've loved for years spreads across your face
I wish the best for you and remember all we've been through
Just now, you texted I love you, and I didn't say it back
Couldn't bring myself to.
Instead I opened my laptop and began typing everything
The last poem I'll write about you, in winter 2018.
