when you tell me you like my poems
i wonder if you are scared for my mental health
i wonder that this glimpse into the dark twisted forest that is my mind
that you will run away from me
i wonder if you want to be involved with a mess
like myself
who rants through poetry by putting myself into the shoes of made up people with made up faces and made up scenarios
i wonder if you want to know what im really thinking
i wonder if your smile will disappear if i drag you into this neverending void of what am i doing what am i doing maybe i should die?
i wonder if you realize that what i say is fake and im just a really really good actor and maybe i should try out for hollywood im that good at faking my feelings
i wonder if you will read this and realize that yes this too is also fake i am putting myself in the shoes of a desperate lover with mental illness injected into their brain, an iv drip attached to their wrist feeding them pain and suffering instead of healing and love
i wonder if you will ever be a real person, if this ambiguous you will become a he or a she or an i love
i wonder if you would ever accept the problems i hold or if you'll grow tired of my constant whining, like everyone else
i wonder if you will treat me like a delicate piece of porcelain just because i have mental problems, or if you'll treat me like a scrap of paper left on the floor of an abandoned classroom
i wonder if you will ever care if i died

when you tell me you like my poems
i smile and say thank you! i'll be writing more, so keep in touch.