this is another place to begin (again)
do I think I am clever?
who knows?
when my inner alligator snaps
it’s like my facade collapses
I feel myself contained off
from the flow of life around me

there is truth in my reflection
do I dare say the magic words?
some moments are so deep
they are special, and try as we might
we cannot grasp it in our heads
at some point (I feel) we must heed
the song of our truths (of course)

what that involves can be very intense (indeed)
to follow the heed of our innate beats
but back to reality (yet what is reality?)
I often feel as if I exist outside regular time and space
I feel into my life and my reality
I try to feel my place in it
how can my purpose be most greatly served?

how can my evolving dreams take flight?
(it is very comical) all my recurring themes
seem to have a running motif
it feels as if my life has passed in a daze
yet each year has seen me evolve
deeply in many ways
shedding layers, becoming lighter

I have grown my hair out
because long hair in a man
has often excited in me possibility
the deep sensuality of what life can be
it is almost like I desire to grow into me
I feel there is so much more in me
So much still to be set free

I wonder about how the whole year
seemed to mystically slip away
I am not sad or depressed
I am relieved because it makes sense
(in some breezy ephemeral way)
It almost feels as if 2017 was a non-year
the energy felt of coasting (holding breath)

I am feeling into myself (who I am)
I can be so many things
I can be sneaky, and creepy
timid and passively cowardly
the shadows of some of these demons
have been deep strands in my life
here it is for me…

the poems of our shadows can be rich indeed
I will get rid of the flab on my belly
I will have the physique (and presence)
I will be such as there will be no question
no hesitation that I am beautiful
I will be the one people want to love
I will be the one who connects easy

I sit at the edge of my comfort zone
I will be the one whose art is praised
my inspiration is closing in
my discernment increases as life creeps in
it is unnerving as I peer out to the world
from my perch on the window seat
it makes the moment totally real