Dear Mr. Heaney I wish I'd read your poetry years ago when I was still impressionable and coy and all that jazz. Now it resounds in my skull, leaving a tingle in my right hand. My pen is somewhat snug, but a revolver, no. Ink and shovels aren't far from each other, so your point is well-taken. In fact, they're co-workers – Ink's proved itself just as deadly. It slowly ushers men into the earth, their soil-seat, while the shovel stages the unending play; the eternal lattice. The Nobel hung above your head, the vast array of pins, medals, papers with your name in billowing scarlet. What a treat. Like the last cupcake in the back of the refrigerator that had too much chocolate icing and was only semi-covered in multi-colored snowflakes. I'd loved to have personally presented it to you. There'd be my own plaque, billowing scarlet and all. It'd say, "Mr. Heaney, , you must own a *****." I hope you'd laugh, and not be offended, thinking me a distasteful and insensitive lout. It may not be right, but I can't help but steal the volumes surrounding yours out of every **** library so "Seamus Heaney" may catch the eye of the common passerby more easily. I think I even went to work on enhancing a spine with a red sharpie once. Red hits the eye hard. That was in the central library downtown. Don't tell anyone. Beyond a laugh, what I hope for most is that you get this letter. Just look at it. Wonder why someone so far removed in age and culture and place would ever think of you holding an over-frosted desert as glorious.