"time don't go back. it moves forward. can't run from the pain. run towards it."

Never can I forget a painful memory. Especially if it's recurring, existing, thriving. Just knowing its out there, waiting for me. I can't sit around waiting for something good to go bad if I know it's gonna rot. I cant help but question when, how, and why.  The feeling of being helpless because I'm too small to stop it, but my heart too big to act like it never happened. Nauseous from something that hasn't even happened yet. Palms sweating. Fingers wont stay steady. Earthquake through my body. A thought, simply a thought, an image that triggers a thought, a person that triggers a thought, a statement that triggers a thought, a feeling that triggers a feeling. But I'm part to blame. I run to my pain. Catalyst to catastrophe. Casanova of chaos. Running.