My Heart yearned for you My body craved your touch I missed you everyday I saw you everyday I wanted to feel you everyday I want your attention, Your love and you wanted mine. we were so happy... until she came along.
She came in so quietly and so fast like the night falling on day. I only want him as a friend she assured me but I saw right through the lies. He fell for her innocence, not romantically. He fell for her friendship. She lured him in as she did with all her men. She'd meet him and cry about people wronging her, and boys wanting her and harassing her, giving him a sense of protection over her. He wanted to hear her problems and he started to become distant. I cried and fought with you for eleven months and yet I still couldn't let you go. My heart still ached for you , My body still craved your touch, I missed you more and more, I saw less of your happy side and more of your anger, I still wanted all your attention but you no longer wanted mine and My mind began to cave.
sunsets became my nightmare as I would watch you go back to the comfort of your home to text your friend the wind in peace without your psychotic girlfriend getting in the way. Attention, I needed your attention. I went mad without it.
Feeling both the anxiety and depression take over my mind, I ran away. No where felt like home when in the beginning you told me that heart was where the heart is, you told me that I was your home and you were mine. Where was my home? I still remember , the comforting cold wind on the streets and late nights on campus bure's trying to sleep and cover myself from mosquitoes while thinking about food. Most nights you'd sneak me in , but I always wondered whether it was pity or love. As time went on , situations got worse and suicidal thoughts ran through me. I wanted him to stop me, or if he failed at that to at least miss me and cry for me. My mind was my worst enemy, I felt socially awkward around everyone. Not even my friends were my comfort zone, it was just him, his arms , his soothing words even amidst heated arguments.
His words ruined me but his words could also bring me back to life. The depression and Anxiety made me so tired and yet kept me awake all night, sleepless nights for days where I could only sleep when I knew he was around. He was my comfort zone.
My year two years ago. Still recovering but now with my baby in my arms