Why? why wont i let me sleep?
why dream of your own demise,
not death, no but the worse possibly loss.
The loss of a dream of love and a long fought for cause.
Why feel hurt not there not real? for what purpose?
This fear is not even real fear this terror only a shadow of the real horror.
I have truly been hurt and have felt loss, deep seated betrayal.

why so dramatic?

why imagine it when its not even there
a culmination of  my  entire life's sum of pain and terror.
why as if it walks through as a aloof ghost wandering the
endless  halls of  overly reflective mirrors.

Is this my ego? over compensating for the lack of constant pain
something i was so used too an button mashed and jammed in.

a slight haze of mild depression.

my ego almost hungry for a reason to hurt
as if   hurt was a natural normal state
and neutral  happiness abnormal.

shut up ego this is not  a soap opera.

I have come this far I have  fought this hard to attain
everyday happiness and  an occasional bad day with my  one person
to not   halfheartedly   later drown my self in a miasma of  imagined
scenarios of anguish loss, agony and terror.

Shut up ego  i dont need to relive the million  probabilities and possibilities
that my life could have gone or might go.

be here now. look around. the demons are gone, wendy isnt here.
and he is still here so am I and no one is  changing that.



go back to sleep.