if my brother was too long in the bathroom I would begin to think I was handsome. fairly early on, I was able to square myself in the mirror and land a couple good ones. at the height of my endeavor I lost a tooth that had been loose for three days but I gave it to my pride nonetheless. from there, I hadn’t much hope. my brother was less and less able to stand himself and the bathroom became more and more mine. when my arm muscles began to bulge I was afraid I’d hurt myself and so I let them slacken and went so far as to draw on paper the plans for a homemade stall to restrict my movements. my brother had always been the artist and so I entered without knocking and found him face down in the tub. I shouldn’t have been able to lift him. my parents were good people and worried gently about what I had seen. I thought they must’ve known I was ugly.